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August 27, 2010

Love

I borned an infant that could have been love
And you strangled it in your passion.

I was a river now turned to poison
So nothing can grow on its shores.

I was asleep but now am awake
And ashamed of my dreaming.

I am Antigone, needing to be broken,
But not in the way you broke me.

I am Venus; powerful and zealous
But in your sight I am malleable.

I am violated under the banner of love
This is how you ruined me.

August 12, 2010

emotionally drunk

i am sorry, my fellow blogees. i have been very quiet of late and it's mostly just because whenever i looked at that little tabby thing that would link me to here where i could say whatever came to mind, this little thought would pop up and go 'what do you honestly have to say? and who cares anyway?' therefore, i have ignored by blog, and even considered deleting it a few times.

this makes me feel a few things. one of them is sort of this weird combination of depression, rejection, and anxiety (a cocktail i experience quite often in my slightly autistic, slightly OCD, more than slightly messed up brain space). this feeling occurs often when i think about my music and how all i really want to do in life is play and sing and perform but how that will most likely never happen because who wants to listen to moody, cliched lyrics written in a fit of angst and set to some run of the mill chords? yeah, no one. this same feeling of 'i'll never make it so what's the point?' is also being triggered now as i write this blog.

another thing that this makes me feel is another cocktail of sadness (for the fact that i have neglected expression for so long) and confusion (because i feel like a soda that's been shaken up, i don't really know whether i'm a liquid or a gas anymore but i'm pretty sure i'm about to explode).

i'm sick of getting drunk on my feelings, i might just become a regular drunk instead.

July 29, 2010

he's good. i know.

over the mountains and the sea
your river runs with love for me
and i will open up my heart
and let the healer set me free

i'm happy to be in the truth
and i will daily lift my hands
for i will always sing
of when your love came down

i could sing of your love forever
i could sing of your love forever
i could sing of your love forever
i could sing of your love forever

oh i feel like dancing
it's foolishness i know
but when the world has seen the light
they will dance with joy like we're dancing now

i could sing of your love forever
i could sing of your love forever
i could sing of your love forever

i. could. sing. of. your. love.

forever.

"I Could Sing of Your Love Forever" by Delirious

July 22, 2010

masochism, but without the pleasure

i think that we ultimately want to be happy.

i also think that we are often most irrevocably attracted to the things that will make us miserable.

thus, why life is such a drama.

July 17, 2010

Saturday.

last night, my boyfriend called me. he was fishing with his mates and got bored. so i got to listen to him struggling through the ankle-deep mud to catch fish. it was not only very amusing but incredibly sweet and nice. the perfect way to finish a day. i love having the last thing i hear before i go to sleep be his voice :)

this morning, i had planned to go on a venture. so, after taking everything out of my wardrobe, piling it on my bed and finally deciding to wear the only things i hadn't looked at (meanwhile trumping around the house in my bra and pretty patterned tights in a fashion-frustrated-funk), i threw the dishes into the dishwasher in five minutes and ran to catch the bus to the shops.

my first stop was the library where i was denied a membership. being under 18 is seriously getting in my way.

next stop, stationery. every english lesson i read my novel and say to myself and my neighbours 'i need those little sticky tabby things so that i can stop defiling this book with dogears and pencil marks'. so, sticky tabby things i now have.

next, the hairdressers who have kindly offered me $50 of free hair stuff in order to entice me to give them more business. i haven't found the catch so far but i'll let you know if i'm forced into slavery or excessive charges after my appointment on monday.

then i wandered for awhile, stopping briefly in the florists only to be disappointed with their lack of cactus. what kind of florists is this?

bought a cactus for my friends, who are having a dinner party tonight. came home, full of frankie joy (I LOVE FRANKIE. this kind of love requires capitals)

just brought my peanut butter cookies out of the oven. i am now going to enjoy some while they are still warm.

so that's my day so far.

peace be with you, bloggees.
xxx

July 14, 2010

pash = passion??

do you remember when a kiss was the be all and end all? it was the climax of the movie; the final release of tension; the point at which life as you knew it was changed forever.

is it just me or has the kiss become something a bit commonplace? it's a peck hello, or the beginning of something much less romantic and much more carnal. we even kiss relatives and family friends hello and goodbye now (and that freaks me out, for the record).

perchance it's only that i have not found someone to kiss that changes life as i know it. but i doubt it.

i believe that, like christmas, the kiss has now just become something to do.

there isn't tension and anxiousness and fear and exhilerating smittenness before the kiss. but how to fix this, i can't say.

ideas, bloggees? because i am still waiting for the kiss that takes my breath away. the kiss that rivals that of Buttercup and Westley. The. Kiss. hmm?

July 4, 2010

But where are the spoons, Matt Preston?!

you know how fancy people in funny little scarves and shiny cuffs swoosh wine around in their mouths? and then spit it out as if it is truly repulsive, offensive, and uninteresting? and then they go on to talk about its rich undertones and how it (apprently) smells like the ocean mixed with asparagus covered in a rich Chanel No. 5 white-wine reduction sauce? i can't remember the word for it exactly at the moment but i have the sneaking suspicion that it is called 'swilling'.

soon this will be on ESPN as a sport along with chess tournaments, spelling bees, and golf.

the point is, my thoughts are like expensive wine with their numerous undertones and subtle flavours that only the creators and experts can detect. And my mind is like the palette of a pompous, silk-tie-wearing guy who fancies himself important enough that even his farts smell like popery (who else is picturing the guy from Masterchef? anyone? just me? okay.) i swill the things i think about and then swallow and digest thoroughly.

my bedroom is about 2m x 1.5 m. as i was lying in bed this morning, contemplating the outfit i would put on when i got out from under my warm sheets, i was swilling about the idea in my head that there my room is probably about the size of a jail cell. if you got rid of my closet, put in a cot, removed all the homey touches and sharp objects, and added a toilet in the corner, it would be just like the Shawshank Redemption (minus Morgan Freeman).

despite this, i like my little cell. i have everything i need here. sure, i can never move my furniture and the clothes tend to pile up instead of out which means i have to keep it clean or i will wake up one morning and find them up to my ceiling. but i don't need a fancy tv, or a nice stereo, or a big closet, or a big dancing space or even a toilet in the corner. who does?

i like my purple walls and my fairy lights and my collaged closet doors and my tiny mirror and my window hanging.

here's the bit where i take a small detour: i just saw my dog rubbing his little tiny nose into the carpet to scratch it. my dog is a fluffy rat. his snout is exactly one inch long. just thought i'd give you a visual. so cute.

the reason for all this nostalgia about my bedroom is that there has been talk of moving as of late........

it's not like it would be a super huge move or anything, really only 10 minutes away. but:

A. that's 10 minutes further out of town and 10 minutes closer to the suburbia-cult that is the soccermom infested area of Raby Bay. i'm already ages away and i'm allergic to implants...

B. i love my little house. i finally know where everything is, i get my neighbourhood. the boxes are unpacked for the first time in a long time.

C. moving means acquiring a new family. granted, i like athlete pete (my mum's partner (i hate this word but 'boyfriend' seems to stupid and childish for my 40-year-old mother. i can get away with it because i'm seventeen) but i just got used to my brother in law living in the house! i miss the good old days when i could leave the bathroom door open... is now really the time to add 'steps' to my life?

whatever, i suppose there is bribery involved in moving. i've been promised a big room, a big bed, and a big tv to ensure that my new space becomes MY space. but how Judas would it be for me to just sell out like that?

for now, i've got at least 5 months of purple walls, knowing which knob turns the hot water in the shower on, and swilling. cheers, Matt Preston.

June 26, 2010

Kevin, Fiona, and Ethiopian food

meet my new friends: Kevin and Fiona.

Kevin and Fiona are the smiley smiley university students on the cover of my copy of the 2010 QTAC book. what is QTAC, you may be asking yourself? well, let me tell you.

i haven't the slightest idea. something about university.

but how, i ask you, am i to think about something as mundane and mindnumbing as university when i am so many levels of smitten? and how can i blog the situation without arousing suspicion...

for awhile now, the relationship with my excellent boyfriend has been rather shallow and routine. it was like eating at a very fancy restaurant. the kind where you know that if the cook went on Masterchef, they wouldn't introduce their cooking style by saying anything containing the words 'simple', 'basics' or 'enjoyable'.

the plate is set down in front of you and it looks a lot like something that would break if you breathed near it. is that bit edible or is that just crafted out of diamonds and gold leaf? not only that, but the portion sizes are ridiculous and...are those brussels sprouts?!

you know that you should like it but you just can't bring yourself to even think about picking up your fork. where do you even begin? so you just sort of shuffle the various elements around the plate, all the while ensuring your hosts that 'yes, this food is great. i love ethiopian cuisine!'

well, last night, i took a bite.

and let me tell you that ethiopian cuisine is the best in the world.

bon appetite! :)

June 24, 2010

ohhhhh kill me now

fml.

like seriously.


can i just disappear yet?

may i be excused from existance?

June 22, 2010

selkie skin

a selkie is a mythical creature. It comes in the form of a seal but when it chooses, it can shed it's selkie skin and become a woman reminiscent of Boticelli's Venus. So is the selkie really the seal or really the woman? what is a selkie when a selkie is being itself?

lately it seems as though i'm wearing a skin, many skins in fact. but who am i under the skin? and how much do the skins i wear say about me?

am i, in fact, the charming young person? the rebellious teenager? the rocker? the hippy? the sex kitten? the jesus freak? the singer? the friend?

what do i really think? how do i really feel?

what's beneath my selkie skin?

June 17, 2010

hooray

HOORAY FOR...

...long, hot showers after long, cold nights.

...chasers. they do make the shots a bit easier to endure.

...friends; old and new.

...hickeys. they are the souvenirs from little mini vacations.

...doonas. they are the reasons we go on living during the dead of winter.

...curry, which makes everything better.

...tea. (must i elaborate?)

...sport. no matter how often i neglect it, it's always equally as entertaining when i come grovelling back into its muscular arms.

...naps, without whom we would never stay awake past midnight or rise before the sun.

...cameraphones, which help us remember the night before.

...long weekends.

...skinny, white boys who are the salt of the earth.

...michael jackson, who is always appropriate. (insert 'Thriller' here)

...love, and the people who seem to become more enamoured with you when you have just woken up with a headache, a headful of tangled hair, and a sour disposition and who will help you laugh yourself right out of said sourness.
yes, love is a good thing.


Peace be with you, my kenyan babies.
V

June 14, 2010

hakuna matata

so.

earlier today i was flipping through the blogisphere, looking for blogs that seemed interesting enough to be graced with my comments (thus possibly gaining me more followers).

who knew that many people were that concerned with the 'war'?

i am, in actual fact, too uninformed to have any opinions on the subject. however, i do still think it's pretty stupid for a few reasons i probably couldn't hold up against an impassioned supporter. there are things worth fighting for, but they are few and far between.

on a lighter note, that is less likely to have me killed, i have this nagging suspicion that i am going to end up dying in a cardboard box before i'm 40. my career has already tanked and i'm only 17. fml.

peace be with you,
V

things to recall tomorrow morning

1. A = w/2 [(total end lengths) + 2(total middle lengths)] when the intervals along the survey line are EVEN.
however, A = length of survey line x average of mid-ordinate lengths when the intervals are UNEVEN.

2. FV = PV (1 + i)^n BUT PV = FV (1 + i)^-n (when in alphabetical order (ie. FV before PV), n is positive. when in anti-alphabetical order, n is negative)

3. Two methods of depreciation:
Straight line method (or prime cost method) where item depreciates by the same AMOUNT every year.
or Diminishing Value method where item depreciates by same PERCENTAGE every year:
FV = PV (1 - a/100)^n (a could of course be replaced by i)

4. Heron's formula: A = square root of s(s-a)(s-b)(s-c)
s = 1/2(a+b+c)

5. food goes in mouth. chew thoroughly and let you instincts guide you from there.

6. clothes are generally appropriate. there are very few situations where nakedness is expected or allowed.

7. the cap must be removed from the pen in order for it to work. likewise, calculator must be turned on first.

8. horses are majestic and nice.

9. shoes usually require socks.

10. the tongue should be kept inside the mouth during most events. there are some exceptions to this rule.


peace be with you, kidlings.
V

June 13, 2010

experimental

i can't help feeling like i'm talking to no one....let's say something provocative, shall we?

edward cullen and i are going off to ecuador to have lots of messy sex.

this is provocative because:

A. whenever the words 'edward' and 'cullen' are used near each other, people immediately get involved. there are mainly two parties: 'i love edward. he will marry me.' and 'edward cullen is a sparkly fag.' then there are those who care so little about stephenie meyer and everything twilight that they do not deign the parties worthy of their attention.

B. clearly, ecuador is too sunny for edward. duh.

and C. it has 'sex' in it, which immediately draws our curious eyes to the word and all the taboo conotations and fantasies inspired by it. oh the joys of the human psyche.

taking cake and many forks to church tonight. yay for chocolate.

peace be with you,
V

June 12, 2010

i am woman

i love study leave - you get so much done. unfortunately, most of it is not studying.

i have baked a baker's half dozen cupcakes and now a double layered chocolate cake is in my oven.

to be fair, i also have done about a chapter of maths revision and watched all of the first disk of the Two Towers special features (gollum becomes less annoying when you see andy serkis doing the work...)

i have also ripped my new tights. damn you, netting, and your flimsy disposition. never fear, dear readers, i have repaired the dusty purple tights with hot pink thread. :)

in short, i am woman: hear me roar as i burn myself on the oven and stab myself in the thigh with the needle (yes, i did fix the tights while wearing them...i'm that talented)

peace be with you,
V

June 11, 2010

procrastination cakes

english exam this morning - you don't care so i will go no further.

got home and procrastinated by watching the Lord of the Rings special features. i love them because they are like reliving hours of my childhood. (btw, i am well versed in the making of the films so i kick ass at Lord of the Rings Trivial Pursuit, and one day, when i finish the books, i will kick ass at all the different catagories)

attempted to do maths study. ended up yelling some colourful words at the paper. becoming a prostitute tomorrow.

procrastinated by making cupcakes. :)........................................ (<-- those are because i splashed icing on my laptop while making said cupcakes and i was getting it off of my '.' key)

proceeded to fight with blogspot over the prettyness of my page. this is more difficult than myspace was.

i love you my people. i enjoy blogging my thoughts and activities.

peace be with you,
V

June 10, 2010

procrastination

today was the first official day of study leave - YAY.
although i have an exam tomorrow morning, i decided to take the first day off (the only day off i'm taking until the end of term) to hang out with my lovely boyfriend, ben.

woke up early, checked the blogisphere (1 new follower - hooray!) and headed off to carindale heights. got there before 10 and the chilling began promptly; hooray for movies (and for pawpaw ointment as i'm not afraid to admit that i have some pash rash to recover from). got home a few hours ago and promptly watched masterchef while eating mi goreng as fast as possible in my freezing state. and now it's glee time.

continuing to procrastinate studying for english in the morning, i am now posting a second blog for you good people to enjoy.

until next time, peace be with you.
V

(PS. found an additional follower after logging in tonight - double hooray!)

June 9, 2010

hello, good people

i believe the purest sound in all the world is the voice of Kim Deal; chick-bassist extraordinaire. not only is she, like, amazing with a bass guitar but her voice is like angels in their most content and beautiful state. in addition to her heavenly vox, she is wonderfully and oh-so-perfectly tainted with the punk/grunge/growling noises sound of the band in which she features: Pixies. Special mention also goes to their lead singer, who can scream like the devil in songs such as 'Tame' and go on to sing with remarkable clarity in songs like 'Monkey Gone to Heaven'. In fact, kudos to all of you crazy weirdos.

now, shall i introduce myself?
my name is violet.
i like what i like (ie. music, movies, uncontrived randomness, people who make me laugh, art that makes me nostalgic, and a number of other things that i withhold the right to disclose at any time. (see how i covered my ass for liability there?))
i run on a unique wavelength only shared by one person i know of.
i laugh at my jokes more than anyone else does. this gives me a healthy self esteem.
i am most often feeling cardboard (that's an emotion) but occasionally i find myself hysterical in any of its forms (happiness, anger, dementia, stress, misery...)
i also enjoy parenthesis (can you tell yet?)

i look forward to blogging with you,
peace be with you,
V